The Horror Files: Paranormal Entities

The Amityville Horror (1979): "Get out!" I think I'm gonna listen if I start hearing voices tell me that in my home.  Might I just add that blood oozes from the walls!  Watch it, watch it!

The Shining (1980):  I'm not gonna lie, this film about cabin fever scares the hebeegeebees out of me!  The scary music starts playing, and you're wondering what's gonna happen next and all of a sudden the screen fades to black with the super head "Tuesday."  Yeah, that made me jump, which is a testament to how well this film is.  Don't listen to Stephen King, Stanley Kubrick directed at masterpiece!  It's nearly perfect, but I would change one thing.  When the creepy twins come out and tell Danny "Come play with us", and he starts talking to "Frank" does anyone else think the twins should have "Oh let's not play with him, he's crazy"?  His tone of voice is seriously creepy!

Poltergeist (1982): I have seen this film way too many times, and the one thing I have always learned is to take the TV out of your house.  I never did it!  If you're child speaks static TV you should definitely seek help because she will be abducted by TV people.  Also, if you have a clown phobia, this film is not for the faint of heart.

The Sixth Sense (1999): Gah! I seriously want to spoil the ending for who ever hasn't seen this!  I will refrain, but word of advice if a kid tells you he sees dead people, then... oh forget it. The film is scary, with dead people popping up here and there.  Just watch the movie!

The Others (2001): I absolutely love this film!  It takes place about the same time as World War 2 and it features a house drawn straight out of Gothic literature. I die!  Nicole Kidman plays the mother to 2 children that suffer from a  photosensitive disease, meaning they can't be exposed to the sun.  To the convenience of the film's genre, the house is always dark.  You have to lock doors after you leave their rooms, open and close curtains before you enter another room, it's very complicated but it works!  And like the Sixth Sense, it has a great ending!

TV Pumpkins

Freaks and Geeks Tricks and Treats

One of  my favorite things in TV history by far!

At one point in all our lives we reach a point where we may or may not be too old to do certain traditions, as in Trick or Treating.  I literally only recall 3 years in my life where that didn't happen.  Anyways that is the dilemma that the Geeks face in this episode.  To Trick or not to Trick, to Treat or not to Treat.  Thankfully they decide that they're not to young!!  And by thankfully I mean thank the heavens!  It would be a crime for the world to not have seen Martin Starr dressed as the Bionic Woman, a crime I say!!

Now let's discuss the Freaks.  Lindsay is trying to fit in with her new friends, so when they invite her out she must decide between them and passing out candy with her mom.  What's a confused teenage girl to do?  Yeah, she chooses her friends.  Their plans for the night?  Wreaking havoc, which included smashing mailboxes and the ever so popular, egging.

At some point in the episode the Freaks and Geeks cross paths and--yeah I'm not gonna finish the episode for you.  As with all things, you must watch it for yourself.

But I will leave you with a treat.  Long live Bill Haverchuck!

The Not So Spooky: Hocus Pocus

Let's take a break from the horror genre.  The Not so Spooky will be a segment dedicated to films that won't frighten you, but will definitely put you in that Halloween spirit.

Hocus Pocus (1993)

I absolutely love this film.  It puts a spell on me so to speak!  It revolves around Max who is trying to fit into his new home in Salem.  Yes that Salem!

This brings me to the Sanderson Sisters.  They were witches nearly 3 centuries ago until they were hung by the locals for being witches.  Legend has it that if someone lights some candle in their old house they will rise from the dead.

Now let's get back to Max.  He must take his sister, Dani, out trick or treating.  He doesn't want to do it, put you know how it goes, his parents are forcing him to.  So Dani and Max wind up trick or treating at the mansion of Max's crush, Allison.  Allison totally loves the witch stuff by the way, so in order to impress her Max proposes they all go to the Sanderson house.  Really Max?  You just learned today the history of the Sanderson Sisters and you want to go visit the house? Ok I guess, but just to let you know this machismo don't fly in my culture. Mexican culture is superstitious y'all, just saying.

So they go and someone just has to light the candle and holy crap these 300 year old witches come back to life in the form of Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy, and Sarah Jessica Parker!  So all hell is about to break loose because in case you didn't know, witches don't like to look hideous and old, so they opt to do a spell, which involves a potion, which involves children, and something must be done to save the day.

You guys have to see the movie to find out what happens next.  I promise you it's good, I watch it every year.  And if you haven't seen it, which I sincerely doubt because they televise it every year, there's something wrong with you.

The Horror Files: Vampires

Before I start let me say that I am every bit as much over them as you are. They literally refuse to die, but I am a devoted True Blood fan so I can't say much.     Here we go.

Nosferatu (1922): Stunning and iconic.  I strongly recommend this silent film.  It flows beautifully and for it's time it is pretty darn epic!

Dracula (1931): You can do better and you can do worse.  I definitely don't love it as much as Nosferatu, but it's worth a watch considering it is probably the most iconic image of a vampire.

The Lost Boys (1987): Lots of 80s awesomeness!  The Cory's and Keifer Sutherland!   Provides the perfect amount of gruesome that vampires should be associated with.  In summation, it's a cool vampire movie, but it's scare content isn't very high. 

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992): Ugh.  I first want to say that the film art is stunning and Gary Oldman is genius.  I now want to say that I also can't stand the film.  It's loosely based (they added a lot and left out a lot) on the book, which I also cannot stand.  Most of the acting is bleh, and then there's Keanu Reeves.  Enough said.

Interview with the Vampire (1994):  I can't stand the book, I can somewhat tolerate this.  Tom Cruise is the film's saving grace and that's a mouthful.  My main problem with the film is that it focuses on a guy that is constantly complaining about his vampire life.  Shut up already I say!  Plus, he's in love with a vampire he turned when she was a little girl.  I know that eventually she matured into a more adult persona, but he inappropriately scopes her out  when she's little! Pedophilia much?  Okay this is my memory of the book, if it didn't make it into the movie I assure you the subtext is still there even though it's been ages since I've seen it.

The Horror Files: The Slasher Film

Welcome to the Horror Files, where I shall briefly tell you about films in specific horror genres. I am not a professional reviewer, but then again what qualifies you to be one? Today we begin with slashers.

Psycho (1960): This is widely considered to be Alfred Hitchcock's masterpiece.  It's scare tactics might seem silly today, but I will proudly say it scared me.  I don't scare that easily but something about Norman Bates, and what he does (I shall not spoil it) gives me the heebeegeebees. Unfortunately, the film also sparked Hollywood's obsession of women in showers.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974):  It almost feels unfair to comment on this flick because in all truth, I have never been able to finish it.  I always stop the film about 5 minutes after Leatherface is introduced.  This might seem like a bad thing, but I assure you it's not.  I think it's a compliment in fact because this film literally hits me on some psychological level.

Halloween (1978):  William Shatner mask! I'd like to think that Halloween is the epitome of the slasher film, it's got a great background story, teenagers, and the perfect masked villain.  And to me it is also the first shred of proof that the killer won't die!  You have to shoot/stab/run over/(other method) them twice!

Friday the 13th (1980): The one without Jason.  If you're a horror movie fan you already know that Jason as the killer doesn't actually happen until the sequel, and you also probably feel as I do, that the killer in this one is way more terrifying.  This film doesn't scare me so much anymore, but if you watch it you kind of smile to yourself that special effects and prosthetic makeup have gotten a whole lot better.  Seriously, the makeup in this film is pretty bad!  By the way if the closest town to the camp is warning you not to go to the camp, don't go!!

 

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984): Once again, special effects have gotten so much better!  I do admire the spandex walls however, that was just revolutionary.  The film still kind of scares me even though I know what will happen next.  The idea of a man who killed kids and then killed by angry parents, but haunts your dreams in the after life might seem barbaric, but it's a horror film, back off.  May I also point out that Freddy Krueger was one of the first killers to talk back.

Scream (1996): I will always have a place in my heart for this one!  The witty and funny dialogue, and its absolute knowledge of the genre is unbelievable.  It helped resurrect the slasher film in the 1990s but to me it will always be one of the first films to point out the rules.  It scared me as a kid, and although it doesn't anymore, I never tire of watching it. 

Cutie Patootie of the Week

And this weeks Cutie Patootie of the Week goes to... (drum roll)... CHRIS PRATT!

He is not the typical, Jake Gylenhaal or Ryan Reynolds attractive but there is just something about Chris Pratt that drives some of us little squirrels feel like crazy fangirls.

For those of you not familiar with his work, he currently appears in one of our favorite shows, Parks and Recreation, as the loveable character Andy Dwyer. His character is not the brightest crayon in the box but he sure makes us feel jealous of April, his wife on the show.

In real life he is married to Anna Farris, which also breaks our jealousy meter.

He has a goofy smile, and has great facial hair! And I love when he does this expression on Parks and Rec...

He was recently on Conan, and he said that he used "Hip Hop Abs" to lose weight for his role in "Money Ball". He did some cute little dance moves that made his adorable meter go up.

Point is Mr. Chris Pratt is extremely charismatic and adorable, did I mention ADORABLE. I seriously do not know another word to describe him. I just want to give him a high five and big hug. Oh I would also like to go camping with him.

You can watch him on Parks and Recreation every Thursday, and also in "Moneyball", with one of our other favorite Jonah Hill.

P.S. How can you say no to that smile???

Happy Month of October

If you know me you know me you know that my favorite holiday is Halloween.  The best part of Halloween is the month leading up to it.  The movies, the television, the music, the tales, and the costumes, I love it all.  So for the entire month I am going to torture myself watching hours of horror movies and Halloween episodes.  It's a tough job but someone has got to do it.  I'll try not to post any pictures of Linda Blair, but no promises.

Seasons greeting!