The Horror Files: Zombies

It's alive...again.
I have to tell you, I love and adore zombies ( I won my first costume contest dressed as a zombie). This might just be one of my favorite Halloween themes!

Night of the Living Dead (1968):  I know there were some that existed before this, but the film really paved the way for the genre officially starting.  It also cemented George A. Romero into the business and obviously horror movie junkies are grateful.  But this film holds a special place in my heart for winning me free movie tickets.  I'll never forget you.

Dawn of the Dead (1978): Doesn't the tagline just say it all.  Once again this is George A. Romero and this time the zombies get some color.

There's a long line of zombie films all attached to George A. Romero (we get it, you are nothing like your friendly image when it comes to making movies), and I'm sure they're good but I have yet to see them. (Don't egg me, please, don't)

There are more zombie films to come, but I found them befitting of other categories.

The Horror Files: It's Alive

 Admittedly, no version of Frankenstein that exists is scary.  They're either intentionally or unintentionally funny.

Frankenstein (1931): This is marvelously entertaining. There's a reason that people associate Frankenstein as the name of the monster instead of the name of the scientist, and it's this film(which also isn't an accurate portrayal of the book).  Forget about the wrinkled sky and theatrical acting, just forget it, this film is incredible and that's my final statement on it.

Bride of Frankenstein (1935): I absolutely love Frankenstein, I do, but this film is a thousand times better!  It more accurately portrays why the monster is the way he is, and it's because the public treats him so negatively.  So he accidentally killed a local village girl in the first part, but he didn't understand what he was doing.  And now he's killing you all on purpose because you stare at him like he's some big ugly monster. Oh, right.

I say you make tonight a Frankenstein night! These are terrific films!

The Horror Files: Devils and Witches

Rosemary's Baby (1968): First off, this film might just be propaganda for how amazing 60s mod was.  How do you not love Mia Farrow's haircut in the film?  I think Rosemary should have left her husband then and there.  She's such a sweet young lady, but if you kind of remember having unspeakable indiscretions when you were passed out, and your husband decides to tell you that he decided to make that baby you've been wanting, you don't stay with him; if he was telling the truth then that's rape!  But he wasn't telling the truth because he was making you have the child of Satan.

 The Exorcist (1973):  A few ground rules, don't ever show this to a child.  It will traumatize them for the rest of their life.  It one of the scariest films I've ever seen hands down, and I will probably go to my grave saying that.  You know what it's about, it's in the title.  Watch at your own expense and thank me for not posting images of Linda Blair.

The Omen (1976): "It's all for you Damien."  In case you've been living under a rock, this is one of the greatest horror movies of all time.  It's chilling.  Damien is one of the many reasons that I don't trust kids in horror films.  Never trust a brooding child!  Oh by the way, he's the child of Satan.  That's why he's so evil!

Suspiria (1977): You know that moment in Juno when they're discussing the masters of gore and Juno is totally in defense of Dario Argento?  Well I might be too.  This film is stunning.  First and foremost, it's a horror film done in technicolor and it might just be the last of its kind!  Second, it's about a ballet academy with a lovely pink apartment setting!  I personally love when horror films start off with such beautiful images, but about 10 minutes into the film you'll understand why anyone would call Argento the best of anything. Oh, and it's about a witches coven too, cue why weird stuff keeps happening.

The Blair Witch Project (1999): Well it starts off slow.  And then it goes slow. And then it goes slow.  But when it ends you're left wondering what the heck just happened!  Then people started talking and that's how you make one of the most successful horror films of all time with little to no budget.  And a few years later, the world is still inspired to do mockumentary's.

The Horror Files: Paranormal Entities

The Amityville Horror (1979): "Get out!" I think I'm gonna listen if I start hearing voices tell me that in my home.  Might I just add that blood oozes from the walls!  Watch it, watch it!

The Shining (1980):  I'm not gonna lie, this film about cabin fever scares the hebeegeebees out of me!  The scary music starts playing, and you're wondering what's gonna happen next and all of a sudden the screen fades to black with the super head "Tuesday."  Yeah, that made me jump, which is a testament to how well this film is.  Don't listen to Stephen King, Stanley Kubrick directed at masterpiece!  It's nearly perfect, but I would change one thing.  When the creepy twins come out and tell Danny "Come play with us", and he starts talking to "Frank" does anyone else think the twins should have "Oh let's not play with him, he's crazy"?  His tone of voice is seriously creepy!

Poltergeist (1982): I have seen this film way too many times, and the one thing I have always learned is to take the TV out of your house.  I never did it!  If you're child speaks static TV you should definitely seek help because she will be abducted by TV people.  Also, if you have a clown phobia, this film is not for the faint of heart.

The Sixth Sense (1999): Gah! I seriously want to spoil the ending for who ever hasn't seen this!  I will refrain, but word of advice if a kid tells you he sees dead people, then... oh forget it. The film is scary, with dead people popping up here and there.  Just watch the movie!

The Others (2001): I absolutely love this film!  It takes place about the same time as World War 2 and it features a house drawn straight out of Gothic literature. I die!  Nicole Kidman plays the mother to 2 children that suffer from a  photosensitive disease, meaning they can't be exposed to the sun.  To the convenience of the film's genre, the house is always dark.  You have to lock doors after you leave their rooms, open and close curtains before you enter another room, it's very complicated but it works!  And like the Sixth Sense, it has a great ending!

The Horror Files: Vampires

Before I start let me say that I am every bit as much over them as you are. They literally refuse to die, but I am a devoted True Blood fan so I can't say much.     Here we go.

Nosferatu (1922): Stunning and iconic.  I strongly recommend this silent film.  It flows beautifully and for it's time it is pretty darn epic!

Dracula (1931): You can do better and you can do worse.  I definitely don't love it as much as Nosferatu, but it's worth a watch considering it is probably the most iconic image of a vampire.

The Lost Boys (1987): Lots of 80s awesomeness!  The Cory's and Keifer Sutherland!   Provides the perfect amount of gruesome that vampires should be associated with.  In summation, it's a cool vampire movie, but it's scare content isn't very high. 

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992): Ugh.  I first want to say that the film art is stunning and Gary Oldman is genius.  I now want to say that I also can't stand the film.  It's loosely based (they added a lot and left out a lot) on the book, which I also cannot stand.  Most of the acting is bleh, and then there's Keanu Reeves.  Enough said.

Interview with the Vampire (1994):  I can't stand the book, I can somewhat tolerate this.  Tom Cruise is the film's saving grace and that's a mouthful.  My main problem with the film is that it focuses on a guy that is constantly complaining about his vampire life.  Shut up already I say!  Plus, he's in love with a vampire he turned when she was a little girl.  I know that eventually she matured into a more adult persona, but he inappropriately scopes her out  when she's little! Pedophilia much?  Okay this is my memory of the book, if it didn't make it into the movie I assure you the subtext is still there even though it's been ages since I've seen it.

The Horror Files: The Slasher Film

Welcome to the Horror Files, where I shall briefly tell you about films in specific horror genres. I am not a professional reviewer, but then again what qualifies you to be one? Today we begin with slashers.

Psycho (1960): This is widely considered to be Alfred Hitchcock's masterpiece.  It's scare tactics might seem silly today, but I will proudly say it scared me.  I don't scare that easily but something about Norman Bates, and what he does (I shall not spoil it) gives me the heebeegeebees. Unfortunately, the film also sparked Hollywood's obsession of women in showers.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974):  It almost feels unfair to comment on this flick because in all truth, I have never been able to finish it.  I always stop the film about 5 minutes after Leatherface is introduced.  This might seem like a bad thing, but I assure you it's not.  I think it's a compliment in fact because this film literally hits me on some psychological level.

Halloween (1978):  William Shatner mask! I'd like to think that Halloween is the epitome of the slasher film, it's got a great background story, teenagers, and the perfect masked villain.  And to me it is also the first shred of proof that the killer won't die!  You have to shoot/stab/run over/(other method) them twice!

Friday the 13th (1980): The one without Jason.  If you're a horror movie fan you already know that Jason as the killer doesn't actually happen until the sequel, and you also probably feel as I do, that the killer in this one is way more terrifying.  This film doesn't scare me so much anymore, but if you watch it you kind of smile to yourself that special effects and prosthetic makeup have gotten a whole lot better.  Seriously, the makeup in this film is pretty bad!  By the way if the closest town to the camp is warning you not to go to the camp, don't go!!

 

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984): Once again, special effects have gotten so much better!  I do admire the spandex walls however, that was just revolutionary.  The film still kind of scares me even though I know what will happen next.  The idea of a man who killed kids and then killed by angry parents, but haunts your dreams in the after life might seem barbaric, but it's a horror film, back off.  May I also point out that Freddy Krueger was one of the first killers to talk back.

Scream (1996): I will always have a place in my heart for this one!  The witty and funny dialogue, and its absolute knowledge of the genre is unbelievable.  It helped resurrect the slasher film in the 1990s but to me it will always be one of the first films to point out the rules.  It scared me as a kid, and although it doesn't anymore, I never tire of watching it.